I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You took a bar mat shot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
