As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
