The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
