When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
