Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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