I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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