when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
