fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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