see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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