I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
