So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
