hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We're too hungover to prance.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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