3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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