And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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