I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
