Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
