the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
