I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
