i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
just found out that she named her cat after me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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