I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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