I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
