all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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