connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize