two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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