Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I supernannyed him into submission
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
