this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
