thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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