kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
