So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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