if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
