I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You can't special order awesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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