im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
