im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
