The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
