Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
