i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
