Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
