Im at strip club and am horny
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
