i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
