I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
