the day after is always just damage control
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
