Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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