I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
