but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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