do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
BRING THE BAGELS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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