guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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