he puts the penis in happiness.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found your dick twin last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
