you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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