I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
