Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
