Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
