Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
