i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
