I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
