I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
