based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize