Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drake has all the answers
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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