Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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