Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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