Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The adults are the big ones right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
