david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize