Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
