well I can't set my house on fire every night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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