I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
