I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
