I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
