I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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