I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
