Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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