You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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