so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
