You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
