you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
