When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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