that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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