This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
