Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
