Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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