i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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