Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
