i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
